Life of Daivanshi

Going anywhere by myself always meant that I just had no one to go with me. And with this thought process of mine, it took me years of procrastinating and convincing myself that this is not going to be a nightmare.

Hi! I am Daivanshi, and in twenty-two years of my life, I had never planned to go somewhere by myself, unless left with no other option or if I was to meet someone and all I had to do was travel alone. I have been a certified yapper since the day the first words flew out of me. I have always roamed around with my parents taking me everywhere. I mean, of course, a kid should not be allowed to go anywhere without parental supervision. But even as I started growing up, I never came across opportunities to be alone. Then again whenever I was left alone, such as school trips, it always started as a day of horror and anxiety. My reactions wired how I viewed solo travels and did not think it would be sane to go anywhere because in my mind I had concluded that my journey could end with my bawling again.

For most of my years my mind had equated going somewhere alone to the thought of no one wanted to go out with me. Because if I had people with me, I wouldn’t have to go alone. Right? When I have seen people my age going to places with their friends, I have always been reminded of days when I was consciously left alone. I have seen people moving away from me and deciding that being with me meant a disaster for themselves. So if I had to go anywhere alone, there was a lot of self-pity that accompanied. There was a clear association of being alone with not being a likeable person. 

And since I have my fair share of research in psychology, I know what it means to spend time with yourself. But how do I make this a reality for me? How do I re-wire myself to believe otherwise, despite knowing that it is for my own good? But today I decided to actually take a step into making this a reality for. That meant going to a stand up show all by myself. I, obviously, had a blast. But at times I often felt like I needed someone besides me to make the event better. 

Do I regret this? Not at all. Will I do this again? Hopefully yes.