Life of Daivanshi

I don’t know what I am doing with my life, and what I want to do going further. I know I am young and I have time to explore, make mistakes, and then say this sentence when I have probably crossed 40. Being the person I am, even my explorations take place with at least one constant path going on. With the way I am in all directions on every path, it’s scary, especially because I need one path figured out. I always thought my career was going to be that one path for me. Getting degrees in Psychology and opening my own space was a very solid plan I had laid out for myself. Turns out I am not satisfied with what I studied (unfortunately, I could not study traditional psychology), and have no idea what I am doing at the studio.

It feels as if all of my days just go by in figuring out what I want. I go to the studio, get some basic work done, scroll through socials for inspiration, come home and scroll more. Only difference is that at the studio I scroll on my laptop, and at home I scroll on my phone. My mind has been occupied with this so much that it has no space to accept any books I could read or podcasts I could listen to. 24/7 I only think about what I want to do. I always thought that it will be easier than what it is right now, and I don’t mean to have full capacities at every event and earning from day 1. I knew that was going to be a task before I took this decision. But I always thought my vision will be the largest picture and I will be easier to make something out of it, considering that it’s my vision.

Sometimes I wish I had all the money in the world, where all I had to do was draw up ideas and goals, and then let everyone else figure out how to make it possible. I love putting in the efforts, don’t get me wrong, but with an unclear goal it feels like it is going to go waste, as if all my efforts will make no difference towards reaching the place I want. And to add on to this, I am alone in this. For someone who needs constant back and forth conversations, brain dumping ideas, it’s like throwing in ideas and then not knowing what to do with it. By chance if I do come towards a solution, that this idea is good enough to execute, how am I actually supposed to execute it? Do I just shout about it on socials? Do I tell people through offline means? And then what?

Nothing had prepared me for this, and the one thing I hate is being unprepared. No matter the results, I am always 100% prepared for anything. But now it feels like jumping in the ocean without knowing how to swim and no floats support to make sure I don’t drown. Luckily, now I have someone with whom I can bounce out ideas and execution. There is at least some clarity in what to do in the immediate future. So by the time this is being taken care of, I am off to dreaming of the most unrealistic future and trying to make it possible.