Life of Daivanshi

There is so much pressure built up around creativity, especially when it is going to be in the public forum. Each and every line or shot or move or colour has to be perfect – especially because we, as creators, want to be appreciated for the efforts we took for it. We want to be recognised by the audience even if we keep saying that whatever we are creating is for ourselves and sharing it with the public is just an extra step which does not matter. This is exactly where I wanted to be since the past one month.

Somehow I ended up with realising how much I want to digitally document my mundane routines regardless of whether someone sees it or not. I knew that if I let myself do something with absolutely no direction and goal, I would end up not doing it at all. At that moment I decided to publicly document my life. I learned to film and edit, I tried my hands at clicking various shots at different events. It’s not that I haven’t been successful in learning that (I am a fast learner if I put my mind to anything), something did not sit right with me. My idea was to showcase the mundane and mess routines I go through and how I navigate through the daily ups and downs. I did not, and still don’t want to, be someone who ends up providing some giveaways from what I create.

The more thoughts I put into the type of content I wanted to create, whether it was writing or filming, somehow I tried making my mess to be perfect. Everyday, unintentionally, I started searching for similar creators on different platforms who were in the same headspace as me. Now if I want to focus on my life, why should be taking any kind of inspiration from someone else’s life and creativity? If my goal is to just share my life without the goal of creating any community intentionally, it should not be this difficult to just sit down and start. In reality, it took me a month to even write down this blog. I tried writing thrice before this and ended up deleting because it just did not feel like me and who I was. I just wanted to write for sake of it.

Till now, whatever content I have produced, in any form, I have been told to have a goal or a direction towards it. I want to know one thing – does not having any direction can be a goal? Especially if the content is more to be in touch with myself and my ability to create?

I love writing. Research papers, blogs, assignments, making notes. The moment I attach a goal of getting something out of it, I know that I am going to produce the shittiest writing because it is not for me, by me. That piece will always be by someone else taking over my mind. I always wondered why I kept getting average grades in my school and college. It wasn’t always the case that I could grasp what was being taught, and yet, I could not achieve better grades. I keep thinking today that if I could write the same answers, in the way I wanted, without it being for evaluation, I have faith that I could have written so much better.